One Simple Skill to Master Wellbeing

I woke up to the sounds of mischievous cooking oil escaping onto the fire, the rushing movement of pans, and running water at the kitchen sink. The sunrays playfully entered the bedroom. The light traveled through the windows of an old Soviet flat overlooking the Irtysh River in Semipalatinsk town. Behind the river, the gold coverings of the Orthodox Church’s Cross and the Muslim Mosque’s Moon-Sign reflected the morning light. I hang my 15-year-old head off the bed, stretching to reach three pieces of paper strategically placed under the bed. I looked at the papers with carefully written Russian cursive letters. The first paper read, "I am kind. I am strong. I am healthy." The second paper read, "I am grateful for…" I will carry the message of the third one in my heart. I believed in miracles with all my might back then. I believed there would be enough food. I believed there would be enough love. I believed there would be enough books. I was certain that the first step was to start by cherishing the few blessings I already had.

This is an actual view from my childhood bedroom. I asked my mom to snap a picture and send it to me for this post:

What if I tell you one simple 30 seconds practice done right can be instrumental and pivotal in improving your sense of wellbeing?

It is not a secret that gratitude is linked to health and resilience. I can spend days sharing authentic, solid research on the benefits of gratitude. Today I would like to focus on the practice instead.

Believe it or not, we can get this simple practice terribly wrong. Let me share effective ways to practice gratitude.

1. Commit to acknowledging 3-5 moments of gratitude every day.

You can choose a comfortable method for you. You can write down your points. You can make videos and pictures. You can simply meditate on it before going to sleep.

Our brain loves tasks. When we make it a goal to write down three things we are grateful for every evening, our brain will spend the day scanning our environment to find "the gratitudes" to accomplish the task. It will start paying attention to the blue sky, and the flowers, and the smells, and the smiles. The most fascinating thing is the brain will start extracting gratitude from the misfortunes too. The most powerful gratitude of all. Over time, we will develop the habit of constantly scanning our environment, looking for joy, what feels good, and what works. This will create a positive outlook on our current circumstances. We will also notice more positivity entering our lives. There is no magic here. When we slow down and allow our body to recognize what feels good, our body will seek those pleasures again. All we need to do is start paying attention.

2. Turn expectation into appreciation.

I truly believe it is the first and the most powerful step. Letting go of expectations is freeing. When we look for little moments of gratitude instead of counting the "should haves" and "must have beens", we empower ourselves to be in the driver's seat again. Life is not fair. The bird will poop on our suit, and it will also sing a beautiful song to wake us up. It is up to us what to dwell on. When we focus on appreciating and choose to take the power away from expectations, we grow our wellbeing. Recognizing our span of control will assist us in putting this truth to practice. We cannot control other people's actions. We cannot control situations that arise. We surely can control what we pay attention to and spend time thinking about.

3. Be authentic.

We cannot lie to our bodies. Writing down what you should be grateful for (but you just ain’t) will not score you a point. You just can’t write down that you are grateful for your kiddo’s leadership qualities, when you spent your day fantasizing about leaving your family for an isolation trip in the woods. You can’t write down that you are grateful for your friend, when you have been pinching yourself under the table waiting for her to stop talking. You can’t write down that you are grateful for your work when you drag your feet to get to the doors.

4. Look for details and simplicity.

It is so easy to be generally grateful for the grandiose things in our lives. Yes, we are grateful for being employed. What is it about your job that brought you joy today? Yes, we are grateful for our partners. What was the moment of connection that created a sparkle in your soul today? Yes, we are grateful for your kids. What was the moment your heart felt full looking at your child today? Yes, we are grateful for our pets. In what ways has your pet supported you today? Yes, we are grateful for our friends and family. What interaction with them made you smile today?

5. Challenge yourself to find different points for gratitude daily.

This is the key to teaching your brain to scan the environment for "little gratitudes". At first, it might be challenging. With time, recognizing things that bring joy to your heart will become effortless. It is a fun little game that keeps you constantly looking for what lights up your soul. This is also the best way to get to know yourself.

6. Spend time to mindfully experience gratitude.

Let your body register what feels good for you. It will subconsciously crave those moments and seek to recreate them in the future. Sit with your moments of gratitude. Close your eyes and relive those moments again. Our mind does not know the difference between reality and our imagination. When you relive the moments of joy through journaling, visualizing, or watching a video, you benefit from another release of happy hormones.

Let’s practice together right now! Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly, take a deep breath, break into a soft, gentle smile, and recall details of the special minutes of your day. Spend a couple of minutes recalling the light, the smell, and the colors. How do you feel now?

7. Recognize beauty in challenges.

Looking beyond the challenges is an advanced gratitude skill. Think about adversity and challenge yourself to find a blessing in it. What did you learn from the experience? What skill did you gain or perfected? Can you recognize yourself as being kind, respectful, patient, and a better human? What lesson can you learn to deal with similar situations in the future?

Today is the day to start. You don’t have to wait until Monday, the new month, or your next therapist appointment. I invite you to get to know yourself through a gratitude practice. Let your body, heart, and mind tell you what brings you joy. It is unique to every human being. Certainly, we will find lots of points of contact, and we will also learn that many things are very private, special, and unique to us as individuals.

Now, are you ready to find joy in your life?