Why We Are Not Enough to Be Enough?

Why are we not enough to be enough?

It was already dark outside when the smell of a brewing cup of coffee woke me up from what seemed like a minute nap. I looked at the clock, and an urgency started beating faster in my chest.

My three-year-old son was standing in front of me, patiently counting minutes till my alarm clock wakes me to embrace me in his tiny, loving hands. My husband was standing at the stove, brewing a cup of drip coffee. I was a coffee cup away from running out of the door to hit a 45-minute ride to the hospital for my third 12-hour night shift for the week.

I put my scrubs on, shaking off a toddler from hanging on my leg, washed my face, and looked deeply into my red eyes in the mirror. Am I enough? I searched through a disorganized drawer, moving away the hair ties, an old mascara, and untouched facial cream, to find my leather bracelet with a sweet reminder, "I am enough." I hurried to put it on my wrist, tickled the toddler, grabbed a carefully packed lunch and a cup of coffee from my husband’s hands and turned to the door. I closed my eyes, hearing the cry of my son. The sound traveled through my ears to my chest, and my soul cutting the flesh with no anesthesia. There is no epidural for feeling your child’s pain. I looked at the bracelet again and lied to myself, "I can do hard things."

At that moment, "I am enough" meant I could overcome adversity, push harder, and do what is humanly impossible, even when the reality woke me up too many times. It was a sweet lie to tell myself to abuse my tired, overworked, aching, full of guilt, and regret body one more time. "I am enough. I can do hard things. I am strong enough to do it all and more," I would tell myself, shoving tears down my throat.

How many times did YOU push yourself over the limit? What was the motivation?

• I am only enough when I am doing something.

• I am only enough when I am doing something for others.

• I am only enough when people approve of what I do.

• I am only enough when I am doing everything I can possibly do.

• I am only enough when I put others first.

Well, the truth is, you are not enough. No human on earth is enough to do full-time work, pick up extra projects, keep little humans alive, satisfy all the extracurricular activities, make friends with parents at school, make friends with colleagues at work, visit and love your friends, attend daily and weekly worship, exercise, cook homemade meals, pack healthy lunches, fold the laundry, keep the house clean, make time for the spouse, and the list goes on.

Then what does "I am enough" really mean?

Acceptance of good and bad.

Reflective practices are the key to growing resilience and cultivating calm in our hearts. When we are brave to look inside without judgement, we find our starting point, and can map out where and how we would like to grow. We accept our reality with its ups and downs, and we accept our hearts and souls with compassion for imperfections.

Intentionality.

Situational awareness, awareness of the state of our body, soul, and heart allows us to become intentional in how we make decisions, how we respond to live, and how we choose to treat ourselves.

Establishing boundaries.

When we practice radical self-compassion and intentionality, establishing boundaries becomes natural. We are in tune with our gut about what feels right and what violates our soul. Creating boundaries is healing and soothing to ourselves. It is also healthy and the kindest thing you can do for those who violate our boundaries. We can create situational and personal boundaries gently, kindly when we remember a simple truth: "hurt people hurt people."

Forgiveness.

When we look inside ourselves, we find wounds. The wounds that bleed are the wounds that heal. Forgiving yourself is the true way to find peace. The moment we let go of guilt and judgment of ourselves, we embraced the "I am enough" mentality.

Only when we fully believe that what we have to give is enough, we learn to embrace ourselves with love, compassion, and kindness. It means to accept that we are truly unapologetically whole as we are right here right now. It means reflecting on our boundaries and forgiving ourselves.

Looking back at my life and my sacrifices, I understood that being enough simply means to exist with intentionality, to do my best while paying attention to my body, heart, and mind, and to look inside my heart with love and curiosity. Being enough means cherishing the human value I bring to the world by simply existing. It means to recognize and celebrate our common humanity and perfect imperfection.